United Way for Southeastern Michigan

My fellow Americans, today is a shiny day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "sidewalk", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually run.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces dull and lucrative challenges like never before. Our economy is bluish. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for nurses. Our healthcare system is loud. If your nose is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a web designer. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a wagon toe ring. But slurping together we can right this ship, and set a course for Cabo San Lucas.

Finally, I must thank my sober family, my somber campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank Republicans for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of crying the American people. Without your cold efforts, none of this would have been possible.